Bored

At the cyber cafe with the guys.Bored like hell.As usual the rest are late.Never on time.The only that are here is adam and bahnun.Weng chi is surprisingly is here already but he went to eat.Im here like typing so damn slow and not thinking.Bahnun seems to sick.Fiona also is sick.Tried to put the new paip for the washing machine but its leaking.Macam sial.Go back have to tell fiona.Now got not enough money to eat later on.Fuel is just enough to go back.Money i have to keep just in case i have to fuel up.Then have to pay toll.I better get the job.Need it.ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From My Heart

My heart wants her,
But my head says no,
The fear of her leaving,
Hurts me,
Lies i have told her,
Even to others,
Some has told me,
"Tell her",
Some has told me,
"Don't tell her",
My heart was reluctant to tell,
So i forced myself otherwise,
When she was to leave,
A special moment occured,
Our 1st kiss,
The moment was unexpected,
But that kiss was what i desired,
What my heart has been wanting,
From her and only her,
I spent every moment,
I can spare,
With her,
When she left,
My world had crumbled,
My world turned to darkness,
The once heart that was cold,
Had shattered to pieces,
If only i knew,
If i had told her,
Then she would have stayed,
A fool i was.

A life being born,and the years that has come to past

The day i was about to be born, my mum was having contraction for more then half a day having me. The doctor even left to go back home. Then my mum found about it and called him to come back. When i heard about it i was laughing. I guessed that everytime it was time to come out i was just to lazy or stubborn. I was born at 12.15am 18th of August 1987 in Hospital Pantai. I weight at 3.3kg. 2nd heaviest among my siblings. My mum said i was not as a handfull as the others. But if anyone else tried to carry me i would cry. Guessed i was a mothers boy, knowing i am da youngest. Growing up was a happy moment for me. Eventhough i knew we were a broken family. But i was still happy. Growing up having asthma is not a very easy life. For me or my mum.My mum would worry about me all the time. If i was wheezing my mum knew i was still breathing. If i wasn't then my mum would take me to the clinic eventhough it was wee early in the morning. Weekdays i would go to school like any other kids. But on weekends i would spend time with my dad. We would go to the club (me,my sister Fiona,brother Syahid and sometime my half sister Azlin) we would go swimming and play badminton. After that we would go out shopping or just spend time together. I was happy. Was meaning a past tense. The day i saw my mum cry i knew it was because of whom, my father. Knowing how he is, i promised myself not to be like him. A guy who go out with other woman and create a problem for those around him. Primary school was good but it was really great when my uncle would take us all including my cousins n my aunts go vacation. All of us would have a blast. My uncle was a great guy, i used to like eating chicken rice, especially the skin of the chicken. My uncle made a song for me just because of that. Wish i had that recording. End of primary school i had to move. Move to Setiawangsa from Petaling Jaya. Life in Setiawangsa was different for me. Girls and boys are seated seperately, all the girls wearing tudung, it was such an issue about my name for not having a BIN in my name. Well then moving onto high school. Made a few friends. But one day i had friendship that would never change. His name is Max Gill (Mahahraj Singh). We are friends since form1 until today. We had done a lot of things when we were in high school which i think i would not say. But he had to move when we were in form4. Things change but we still remaind friends. In form3 i fell in love with a girl. Her name was Jeremy. We were introduced to each other from max. She is one girl i love and still think of my girlfriend even if she no longer in the world of the living. She was good at inline skating. Her parents controled her a lot. She was never allowed to go out at all or make friends but in secret she did. I only went out with her a few times with her when we were together for 2 to 3 years. We always had a connection, when ever 1 of us had a problem or feeling sad or angry we would know. But one day i felt nothing, as if she was blocking me. And a week later she killed herself. One reason and one reason only. Her parents told her she was a mistake and they should not have given birth to her. It took my bestfriend 1month to tell me after that incident. I was shattered,lost,alone,confused,dissappointed,angry and sad. It took me years to forget about her but i still would have relationship but i never did forget her all those years.i moved on only last year or 2 years ago. In college i felt the same thing i felt when i was with Jeremy. I fell in love again but i was afraid. Knowing who she is and how long she had left staying in Malaysia, i tried going for someone else. But now i know that was not the right decision to make. I had gone out with someone else. That had hurt me and her as well. And i hate myself for that. I had seeked advice but i did not listen. But we end up some sort of being together eventhough for a short while. I still remember the day we kissed outside Starbucks, she was studying with her friend at college, and i wanted to see her so badly i lied to my sister saying i wanted to go have dinner. Because the day we knew each other we were very close. So i went there and hung out with them. All of a sudden she said she was restless and wanted to have a walk so i followed her. I sat down at a bench and was hugging her waist and all of a sudden we kissed and till to this day that kissed was the most sweetest kissed and spine tingling kiss i have ever had in my whole life. From that day on we were as if as a couple but we were not. When her last few weeks left here she always wanted to go to the beach and go to the Eye of Malaysia. A college friend of mine had planned to go for water rafting and had a free place for me and i went without telling her i would go with them. I had surprised her and she was happy to know of it. We had a good time there. I had planned everything planned out to go to Eye of Malaysia and went as planned eventhough there was some flaws but it was still good. She had a good time. All those memories was great but nothing was as good as going clubbing with her and our college friends. I was the most happiest person there that night, i had my heart close to me in my arms and i wanted the night not to end. But sadly it did.

This is the 1st

This is my 1st blog. I have been wanting to create one for a long time but only now i have the chance of creating it. The story of my life is like other peoples lives as well. Not so different. Happy times,sad times,tormented time,lovely times and etc. So my story shall begin!