A Wish.

A Wish was granted to you!!!

If i had a wish.I would like to travel back into time to fix what was broke.

Things To Do!!!

Things i wish to do or have!!!

1. To get a really steady good pay job

2.To help out with my mum.Financially.

3.To be able to see and touch a real wolf.

4.To get my dream car.Audi TT.

5. To see an aurora.

6. To lose more weight.

7. To fix what was broken.

8. To have someone to special in my life.

The heart!

Follow what your heart tells you. You will not regret it. Yes. What you wish for might come true or your plan go as you want it to. But at least you will not regret it for the rest of your lie. I learned that the hard way. In so many ways but the most is when you lie to yourself for thinking is the best way.but the heart has more power to scar yourself mentally. The rational part of yourself says no but your heart says yes. And at that time you will convince yourself it is true and the right decision. But your heart will not co-operate with your mind. So your heart will erase your rational part. To this day i regret for not saying it. And it has scarred me for the rest of my life.

Reversed!!

Its when you want something is the time it wont come or you cant have it. But when the time you dont want it you can find and have it. When you try so hard to have it you wont get it, but when you push it away its the time you will receive it. It works in reverse. When you wish for it it will not be granted to you. But when u detest of it its when you will be granted. In times like whis you will feel like giving up. When you have someone that is the time you really wish to be with will appear. But when you wish to have that person who you really want its that time that person will have someone else or other matters appear.

Resolve

An issue to resolve is what is in process. Its hard to actually solve something when your heart and feelings are involved. Thinking about it all the time and wanting to solve it. Its even harder when the other person is not responding. Or the solution is not the right one. A letter is what i had proceed to produce for this issue. I just wish to get it over and done with. I hope in my heart it goes the way i want but i know it cant always go the way you want. Salvation is what i want from all this problems of mine but uncertainty is all i have now.

Bored

Am really bored today.Have listenning to the song that illa gave me.Halo by bethany and my wish by rascal flatt.Missing her alot.The way we were when we together and when we were friends.Hmm.

Poison

Im poisoning myself,
Each and everyday,
When im around others,
Even infront of them,
I poison myself,
Everytime i see a couple,
I am poisoned by them,
See their laughter,
Their love for each other,
Affection towards one another,
Waving to each other,
Lustful kiss to be enjoyed,
Hugs that last an eternity,
Hands that are bounded to each other,
The way they are together,
Is poison to me,
I let them poison me by being around them.
My heart dies slowly day by day,
My rotting body shows the toll,
My mind and soul can no longer fight,
I have no other choice but to accept,
My death.

Thankfull!

Im thankfull and glad that i got the job.Just need to study and pass the test that they need us to do.Im goin to work my ass off to make sure i get this job.I need the money for myself and for my mum.Im going to go to australia and have fun.If i get the chance im going to migrate there so that i can better money since they have a better money exchange rate.

Bored

At the cyber cafe with the guys.Bored like hell.As usual the rest are late.Never on time.The only that are here is adam and bahnun.Weng chi is surprisingly is here already but he went to eat.Im here like typing so damn slow and not thinking.Bahnun seems to sick.Fiona also is sick.Tried to put the new paip for the washing machine but its leaking.Macam sial.Go back have to tell fiona.Now got not enough money to eat later on.Fuel is just enough to go back.Money i have to keep just in case i have to fuel up.Then have to pay toll.I better get the job.Need it.ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From My Heart

My heart wants her,
But my head says no,
The fear of her leaving,
Hurts me,
Lies i have told her,
Even to others,
Some has told me,
"Tell her",
Some has told me,
"Don't tell her",
My heart was reluctant to tell,
So i forced myself otherwise,
When she was to leave,
A special moment occured,
Our 1st kiss,
The moment was unexpected,
But that kiss was what i desired,
What my heart has been wanting,
From her and only her,
I spent every moment,
I can spare,
With her,
When she left,
My world had crumbled,
My world turned to darkness,
The once heart that was cold,
Had shattered to pieces,
If only i knew,
If i had told her,
Then she would have stayed,
A fool i was.

A life being born,and the years that has come to past

The day i was about to be born, my mum was having contraction for more then half a day having me. The doctor even left to go back home. Then my mum found about it and called him to come back. When i heard about it i was laughing. I guessed that everytime it was time to come out i was just to lazy or stubborn. I was born at 12.15am 18th of August 1987 in Hospital Pantai. I weight at 3.3kg. 2nd heaviest among my siblings. My mum said i was not as a handfull as the others. But if anyone else tried to carry me i would cry. Guessed i was a mothers boy, knowing i am da youngest. Growing up was a happy moment for me. Eventhough i knew we were a broken family. But i was still happy. Growing up having asthma is not a very easy life. For me or my mum.My mum would worry about me all the time. If i was wheezing my mum knew i was still breathing. If i wasn't then my mum would take me to the clinic eventhough it was wee early in the morning. Weekdays i would go to school like any other kids. But on weekends i would spend time with my dad. We would go to the club (me,my sister Fiona,brother Syahid and sometime my half sister Azlin) we would go swimming and play badminton. After that we would go out shopping or just spend time together. I was happy. Was meaning a past tense. The day i saw my mum cry i knew it was because of whom, my father. Knowing how he is, i promised myself not to be like him. A guy who go out with other woman and create a problem for those around him. Primary school was good but it was really great when my uncle would take us all including my cousins n my aunts go vacation. All of us would have a blast. My uncle was a great guy, i used to like eating chicken rice, especially the skin of the chicken. My uncle made a song for me just because of that. Wish i had that recording. End of primary school i had to move. Move to Setiawangsa from Petaling Jaya. Life in Setiawangsa was different for me. Girls and boys are seated seperately, all the girls wearing tudung, it was such an issue about my name for not having a BIN in my name. Well then moving onto high school. Made a few friends. But one day i had friendship that would never change. His name is Max Gill (Mahahraj Singh). We are friends since form1 until today. We had done a lot of things when we were in high school which i think i would not say. But he had to move when we were in form4. Things change but we still remaind friends. In form3 i fell in love with a girl. Her name was Jeremy. We were introduced to each other from max. She is one girl i love and still think of my girlfriend even if she no longer in the world of the living. She was good at inline skating. Her parents controled her a lot. She was never allowed to go out at all or make friends but in secret she did. I only went out with her a few times with her when we were together for 2 to 3 years. We always had a connection, when ever 1 of us had a problem or feeling sad or angry we would know. But one day i felt nothing, as if she was blocking me. And a week later she killed herself. One reason and one reason only. Her parents told her she was a mistake and they should not have given birth to her. It took my bestfriend 1month to tell me after that incident. I was shattered,lost,alone,confused,dissappointed,angry and sad. It took me years to forget about her but i still would have relationship but i never did forget her all those years.i moved on only last year or 2 years ago. In college i felt the same thing i felt when i was with Jeremy. I fell in love again but i was afraid. Knowing who she is and how long she had left staying in Malaysia, i tried going for someone else. But now i know that was not the right decision to make. I had gone out with someone else. That had hurt me and her as well. And i hate myself for that. I had seeked advice but i did not listen. But we end up some sort of being together eventhough for a short while. I still remember the day we kissed outside Starbucks, she was studying with her friend at college, and i wanted to see her so badly i lied to my sister saying i wanted to go have dinner. Because the day we knew each other we were very close. So i went there and hung out with them. All of a sudden she said she was restless and wanted to have a walk so i followed her. I sat down at a bench and was hugging her waist and all of a sudden we kissed and till to this day that kissed was the most sweetest kissed and spine tingling kiss i have ever had in my whole life. From that day on we were as if as a couple but we were not. When her last few weeks left here she always wanted to go to the beach and go to the Eye of Malaysia. A college friend of mine had planned to go for water rafting and had a free place for me and i went without telling her i would go with them. I had surprised her and she was happy to know of it. We had a good time there. I had planned everything planned out to go to Eye of Malaysia and went as planned eventhough there was some flaws but it was still good. She had a good time. All those memories was great but nothing was as good as going clubbing with her and our college friends. I was the most happiest person there that night, i had my heart close to me in my arms and i wanted the night not to end. But sadly it did.

This is the 1st

This is my 1st blog. I have been wanting to create one for a long time but only now i have the chance of creating it. The story of my life is like other peoples lives as well. Not so different. Happy times,sad times,tormented time,lovely times and etc. So my story shall begin!