Life Is Like Torture

Fear = Regret

2011-10-27T17:57:00.003+08:00

Fear is the only thing i fear. It's the only thing that will make me have nightmares. It's the only thing that that can keep me awake at night. It's the only thing i can that can make me cry. It's the only thing can make weak. It's the only thing that has an effect on me. And because of that i have regrets. Regrets is the punishment i have now. It clings onto my soul and it will never leave me. And now all i can do is only assume that what would have become of us if i had no fear. I had only assume the worse if i had said those 3 words. But now all i can do is live my life of regret.

To Believe Or Not To Believe

2011-08-20T17:45:00.002+08:00

How do you know if someone really loves you?
Is it when they do anything for you?
Is it when they are there for you?
Is it when they you know really well?
Is it when they know when your sad?
When your happy?
When your sick?
Is it when they know your traits?
Is it when they know your flaws?
Is it when they know your darkest secret?
Is it when your comfortable with them?
How do you believe someone that if they really love you?

Mt. Olympus Challenge

2011-06-21T11:01:00.003+08:00

To all rock climbers in Malaysia. Bring your families and friends to this competition. Fun activities to join in. Group of 5 participation and individual participation. Get ready to climb to the top.

Actress in a Movie

2011-06-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

An actress's parents being bitches. Verbally attacked my mum. Your parents accused my mum of doing something she didn't do. Melayu tolong melayu konon. Your mum doesn't deserve being helped. Work also don't know how to do. Your mum didn't even defend the girl that got scolded because your dad called. Your parents don't even know what you do at night clubs. Karma is going to get you back. Assholes

Jumpstart College Edition

2011-06-17T10:20:00.001+08:00

This competition is a sequel from the 1st Jumpstart. This time it would be College Students Bands. So everyone that is still studying get ready to jam out and get known.

ARGH!!!

2011-02-13T04:49:00.000+08:00

I have not been well. Having a sore throat and ulcer. Ulcer has been really bothering me a lot. Can't talk that well and can't eat spicy food. Sore throat has like a mind of its own. Cough badly at a certain time and that causes me to have an asthma attack. Damn it. I just wish i can take a knife and just cut my throat out. Put salt on my ulcer and still it's not getting better. Wish i can get well soon.

Controversial Issue

2011-02-12T03:42:00.000+08:00

There is this thing that has been in my head for a long time. I have always wondered why is it that transvestites/she males/bapok do not date or go out with pengkid/girls who dress and want to be guys. I have always wondered why is it they have not come out with this idea. And i have no idea why is it that transvestites when they make their profiles they put themselves as females. Get a freaking grip. You are not females, you are males who want to be females. Well I guess as long as your happy then fine. But seriously think about it. Don't make a fool out of yourselves. And take my idea. Bapok and pengkid should date.

Miss

2011-01-28T04:21:00.000+08:00

I miss a lot of things in this world. I miss my uncle Angah ho i have not spend time with for a long time. I guess my siblings and my mum too. But what is there i can do when his current wife has made him distant from us. I miss him making music about me. I will always remember the song that he made for me. He even recorded it and played it on radio in cassette. I miss him taking my hands and farting on it. That sandwich he always make. To this day I still remember the smell.

I miss my friend. I know it was also my fault. I should have called and double confirm that i was not coming in for work for some time. I do apologies that i didn't inform properly. But family comes 1st. I have hurt the people i care for. I miss spending time with him and her. Even though she has gone away for studies. But all of them will always be in my heart.

So many things in this world people would not appreciate until they have lost it. This is what my brother Azli has told me years ago. And to this day I still remember what he has told me. And I appreciate what he has advised me. To this day I have many things i have missed and still miss.

Rest in Peace

2011-01-28T04:08:00.000+08:00

To my uncle and my aunt. I love both of you so much. Its hard to grasp the fact that both of you are no longer among us. I miss the smiles and the laughter that i am used to hear and see. Since i was a young boy i have experienced both the love of my uncle and my uncle. The sweet smile and laughter of my aunt. The craziness of my uncle and the food that he used to cook. He has always been able to make me smile and laugh. The hardest one to handle this was my mum. But at last she has been able to calm down. All of us has lost 2 loved ones within a year. But they will always be in our minds and hearts. May Allah S.W.T embrace them within his gates and hold them in his arms. Mak Teh and Ami. I love you both with all my heart. We all do. Al-Fatihah.

Chaos

2010-06-22T13:34:00.000+08:00

My mind is in such a chaos.
What she did is confusing me.
But she said we are still friends.
But she ignores me.
I understand that i was annoying.
But i was just concerned.
I apologised but am not forgiven.
All i know is i want her.
No one else.
Since the time we meet i want only you.
Just you.
I dont care.
I will do whatever it takes to do it.

Wise Words From A Wise Man (Applies to all religion)

2010-05-17T05:18:00.000+08:00

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science hasWith
GOD , the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD Good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?

Student : Yes.

Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.Is GOD Good?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Is Satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor : Where does Satan come from ?

Student : From . . . GOD . . .

Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor : So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, who Created them ?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD , Tasted your GOD , Smelt your GOD ? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor : Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor : Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn't..

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,a Little Heat or No Heat.But we don't have anything called Cold.We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.There is no such thing as Cold.Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.We cannot Measure Cold.Heat is Energy.Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?

Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?

Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?

Student: Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?

Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?(The Class was in Uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . . No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !

The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

NB:I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so .. .You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you?Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH.That student was Albert Einstein.

My friends who i adore!

2010-05-09T03:03:00.000+08:00

This is NurBanun Atina Idris. I just call her Banun. This girl is damn random. She is good at playing the acoustic guitar,singing and acting. She is good at playing games as well. She is the only one girl i know that likes to play games. The one thing i will remember about her is that i will never sit next to her because there was a few times that when she was sitting next to me her air liur splattered all over my arm. Yuck. Thans Banun.

This is Adam Dewind. I call him Adam. He is a big size guy. He likes to annoy me all the time. But he has a big heart. I always ask him for advice. Know him from college. Adam has always cracked me up. The 1st time was when he broke a chair in class and fell. That moment i will always remember. Adam is a guy who is intelligent,quiet wise,sarcastic and loves songs and gaming.

This is Raja Aliff. I call him Alif. He used to be thin. But now his not. I know him from college as well. At 1st i thought this guy was damn lansi fella. But its just his face. I will remember this guy because of the disco ball he has in his car. He likes to take pictures. Majority of the pictures here was taken from him and edited by him. Alif likes to listen to music and cars. Alif is kinda intelligent but not in maths,sarcastic at times,has his own style,buying clothes and has a variety of perfumes and gaming as well.

This is Fidi. Know him from college. I call him Fidi or Di I will remember Fidi from a lot of experience with him.

That i shall keep to myself. Except for 1.All i need to say is "I only had 2 wei". Fidi is really funny. He is athletic,energetic and very spontaneous and gaming.

This is Thiligan Ramakrishna. He claims he drives a Mustang but its not a mustang. This guy is really indian.1 time i spilled beer he got so angry he scold me. He is quiet good at pool.

This is Weng Chi. I call him Weng. This guy is sarcastic.Well he comes from Johor so go figure. This is nuts from all the stories he told me. Drives at Warp speed. Likes food and bloody movies. Hates cats. He is very brutal when it comes to killing cats.Gamer as well.

This is Victor Tan. I just call him Vic. He is very knowledgeable about guns and information. He is very teched up. He gets hold on things other people dont have. He is one guy i wont mess with ever. He is intelligent about games, a hacker, deadly, and a gamer as well.

This is Geetha Rajasegran. I call her Sayang,Geet or my Affair. Hehehe. She is Kumars sister. Am really close to her until other people thought i was going for her. I think of her as a sister. She is very manja. I like to manja her alot. She burps alot and says i taught her that but i didnt. She seeks attention and i provide to her. Learned how to park and drive with confidence because of me. She is my dancing partner. I love to dance with her. She always like it when i put her to sleep at night. And now im scared to sit in the car with her when she drives. All me fault. But at least she got better.

This is Kumar Rajasegran. I call him Kumar. This guy is a real close friend of mine. He just love cars. And now he is addicted to games because of us gamer. And is good at playing sniper. I will always bully him in gaming and real life. I love you bro. Jangan marah. Hehehe. He is considered a bit lurus bendul. But has a great heart. Been there for him when i can.Especially that 1 particular night. He got better at drinking because of me. I will remember him because of one particular night that he puked on Illas brand new shoes at La Bodegas at BSC. After drinking 4 beers. Hahahaha.

Sheath

2010-05-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

I am the raging sword,

I cut down my enemies,

With no mercy,

I kill non stop,

Endless terror and agony,

She is my sheath,

She ends my endless nightmare,

She controls me,

Adapts to the way i am,

Always there for me,

Harmony and calmness,

My ending suffering has ceased,

I am able to live,

To be happy,

The bond has been formed,

And i am complete.

Strength

2010-04-06T08:07:00.000+08:00

Strength is what i need,

The things that are happening,

Are just too much,

Aunt not doing so well,

Mum try's to avoid,

But at last made her go,

But its harder then expected,

Tears flowed from her eyes,

But not from mine,

Cant hold any longer,

Went out to shed my tears,

Please give me the strength,

To be strong for her,

That is what my mum needs,

From me.

Dream

2010-01-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

I slumber in my sleep,

An awaken in a land,

A place i have never seen,

Never been to,

Never known,

I awaken in a forest,

Filled with mystical aura,

I am filled with a sensation,

That i have never felt,

To explore in this wondrous place,

Alone and at peace,

It rains and fell so relaxed,

I walk in the rain,

And aimlessly,

Wondering what i shall encounter,

Never knowing the possibilities,

I have changed for the better,

Hope is no longer within me,

It has long left,

Better to be this way,

Then to hope and broken,

Even though i am broken,

What is broken cannot be broken,

But it will be broken even more,

I am content to what has been decided,

The choices that has been made,

What has happen to me,

In the outside world,

Has made me come here,

To fell this feeling.

NO CARE.

Mist!!

2010-01-11T01:34:00.000+08:00

A mist has taken form in my path,

I look around me,

The road looks untroubled,

But i know it will be rough,

I walk into the mist,

Not to care what happens,

Never knowing what would happen,

The mist of uncertainty.

Exile

2010-01-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

I walk away from this city. Full of people who has many things to gain and have. I leave the city to those who embrace it and enjoy it. I walk down the path where people avoid and wish not to enter. I will stroll into the forest of the unknown and will endure it all alone. I leave the city where my family and friends and the one i care about among its high buildings and society. I will take this journey alone. Nothing to gain and nothing brought with me. I enter with what i have with me now. A sword with no sheath. This sword represent my anger, my soul, my heart, and my mind. This sword will be ruined by the air that i breath and rust with rain that drenches it in moist. I love the light rain that drops onto my body. It heals me but yet it would not help me with my journey. Rain does not come often in this forest. I cut my way through this forest with my sword. Hacking and swinging freely with no remorse. Without a sheath i my sword will diminish and will no longer assist me on my journey. In this forest i am alone. I will endure this alone and with no one to guide or assist me. My burden is for me alone. I will not trouble others for my own mistakes and my own fate. Love is nothing in this forest. My feet has no strength to move but i shall push on to no end. I will walk this path no matter what the challenge i will face. I will be tired and hurt and bleed but i will push on my own. In darkness there is no light to guide me. Yet the light from the moon will guide me to where my path is meant to be. This guide is my instinct that i have to make my choices. Even though it is the wrong choice but i will make a path to my own goal. I will try to do what i must even though i will not gain or get anything of the outcome. My eyes is tired but i force myself to push onwards. My hands no strengh to lift up my sword. I let go and fall to the ground. I face the sky to witness the starless sky. My eyes grow weary and i fall into a deep sleep. As i try to fight the moment to give up and open my eyes i see an aurora. The magnificent aurora which the one for me and i hope, i wish, and i pray that i will have this aurora and this lovely feeling that i feel when i see this magnetic scenery as i fall into a deep sleep and slumber into the dream of painful events and difficult time. And i await the arrival of this being that possesses the powers of the aurora to awaken me from this slumber and take me home where i belong.

Hope!!!

2010-01-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

Hoping is overrated. All my life i have been hoping. But now im through hoping. Im just going to try and not fear the outcome. I had confesed what i needed. And today i have an answer. Its not what i was hoping but at least its an answer. I feel nothing anymore. No remorse or pain or anything. Maybe im just used to it by now. I respect her decision. I have nothing else to say. Its the way she is. She fears and feels that way if anything is done. She is so sure of it. But i cant do anything about it. All i can do now is just completely just continue with what im doing. Hide within my shell and hope i have the strength to hold the walls that are closing in. But i know hope is nothing but a vague word. And i know that my shell will thin out and break. And i will forever be broken and not be fixed.

Walls Closing In

2010-01-06T13:36:00.000+08:00

Everything that is going on in my life is trembling downwards. I feel so much tension and tired. Everyday i feel like im losing this fight to move on on carry on with this life. My heart is aching so badly and my mind is so tired of thinking and my soul is as if its burned out of fuel to even sustain within me. The walls around me is closing in so fast to enslave me within its power. I can only shield myself by creating a cocoon around myself. It is weaken by the passing second. What is my salvation

A Wish.

2009-12-19T06:23:00.000+08:00

A Wish was granted to you!!!

If i had a wish.I would like to travel back into time to fix what was broke.

Things To Do!!!

2009-12-19T05:50:00.000+08:00

Things i wish to do or have!!!

1. To get a really steady good pay job

2.To help out with my mum.Financially.

3.To be able to see and touch a real wolf.

4.To get my dream car.Audi TT.

5. To see an aurora.

6. To lose more weight.

7. To fix what was broken.

8. To have someone to special in my life.

The heart!

2009-12-19T05:00:00.000+08:00

Follow what your heart tells you. You will not regret it. Yes. What you wish for might come true or your plan go as you want it to. But at least you will not regret it for the rest of your lie. I learned that the hard way. In so many ways but the most is when you lie to yourself for thinking is the best way.but the heart has more power to scar yourself mentally. The rational part of yourself says no but your heart says yes. And at that time you will convince yourself it is true and the right decision. But your heart will not co-operate with your mind. So your heart will erase your rational part. To this day i regret for not saying it. And it has scarred me for the rest of my life.

Reversed!!

2009-12-19T04:48:00.000+08:00

Its when you want something is the time it wont come or you cant have it. But when the time you dont want it you can find and have it. When you try so hard to have it you wont get it, but when you push it away its the time you will receive it. It works in reverse. When you wish for it it will not be granted to you. But when u detest of it its when you will be granted. In times like whis you will feel like giving up. When you have someone that is the time you really wish to be with will appear. But when you wish to have that person who you really want its that time that person will have someone else or other matters appear.

Resolve

2009-12-14T14:38:00.000+08:00

An issue to resolve is what is in process. Its hard to actually solve something when your heart and feelings are involved. Thinking about it all the time and wanting to solve it. Its even harder when the other person is not responding. Or the solution is not the right one. A letter is what i had proceed to produce for this issue. I just wish to get it over and done with. I hope in my heart it goes the way i want but i know it cant always go the way you want. Salvation is what i want from all this problems of mine but uncertainty is all i have now.

Bored

2009-08-11T16:28:00.000+08:00

Am really bored today.Have listenning to the song that illa gave me.Halo by bethany and my wish by rascal flatt.Missing her alot.The way we were when we together and when we were friends.Hmm.

Poison

2009-08-10T16:02:00.000+08:00

Im poisoning myself,
Each and everyday,
When im around others,
Even infront of them,
I poison myself,
Everytime i see a couple,
I am poisoned by them,
See their laughter,
Their love for each other,
Affection towards one another,
Waving to each other,
Lustful kiss to be enjoyed,
Hugs that last an eternity,
Hands that are bounded to each other,
The way they are together,
Is poison to me,
I let them poison me by being around them.
My heart dies slowly day by day,
My rotting body shows the toll,
My mind and soul can no longer fight,
I have no other choice but to accept,
My death.

Thankfull!

2009-08-10T15:46:00.000+08:00

Im thankfull and glad that i got the job.Just need to study and pass the test that they need us to do.Im goin to work my ass off to make sure i get this job.I need the money for myself and for my mum.Im going to go to australia and have fun.If i get the chance im going to migrate there so that i can better money since they have a better money exchange rate.

Bored

2009-07-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

At the cyber cafe with the guys.Bored like hell.As usual the rest are late.Never on time.The only that are here is adam and bahnun.Weng chi is surprisingly is here already but he went to eat.Im here like typing so damn slow and not thinking.Bahnun seems to sick.Fiona also is sick.Tried to put the new paip for the washing machine but its leaking.Macam sial.Go back have to tell fiona.Now got not enough money to eat later on.Fuel is just enough to go back.Money i have to keep just in case i have to fuel up.Then have to pay toll.I better get the job.Need it.ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From My Heart

2009-07-27T03:12:00.000+08:00

My heart wants her,
But my head says no,
The fear of her leaving,
Hurts me,
Lies i have told her,
Even to others,
Some has told me,
"Tell her",
Some has told me,
"Don't tell her",
My heart was reluctant to tell,
So i forced myself otherwise,
When she was to leave,
A special moment occured,
Our 1st kiss,
The moment was unexpected,
But that kiss was what i desired,
What my heart has been wanting,
From her and only her,
I spent every moment,
I can spare,
With her,
When she left,
My world had crumbled,
My world turned to darkness,
The once heart that was cold,
Had shattered to pieces,
If only i knew,
If i had told her,
Then she would have stayed,
A fool i was.

A life being born,and the years that has come to past

2009-07-21T06:20:00.000+08:00

The day i was about to be born, my mum was having contraction for more then half a day having me. The doctor even left to go back home. Then my mum found about it and called him to come back. When i heard about it i was laughing. I guessed that everytime it was time to come out i was just to lazy or stubborn. I was born at 12.15am 18th of August 1987 in Hospital Pantai. I weight at 3.3kg. 2nd heaviest among my siblings. My mum said i was not as a handfull as the others. But if anyone else tried to carry me i would cry. Guessed i was a mothers boy, knowing i am da youngest. Growing up was a happy moment for me. Eventhough i knew we were a broken family. But i was still happy. Growing up having asthma is not a very easy life. For me or my mum.My mum would worry about me all the time. If i was wheezing my mum knew i was still breathing. If i wasn't then my mum would take me to the clinic eventhough it was wee early in the morning. Weekdays i would go to school like any other kids. But on weekends i would spend time with my dad. We would go to the club (me,my sister Fiona,brother Syahid and sometime my half sister Azlin) we would go swimming and play badminton. After that we would go out shopping or just spend time together. I was happy. Was meaning a past tense. The day i saw my mum cry i knew it was because of whom, my father. Knowing how he is, i promised myself not to be like him. A guy who go out with other woman and create a problem for those around him. Primary school was good but it was really great when my uncle would take us all including my cousins n my aunts go vacation. All of us would have a blast. My uncle was a great guy, i used to like eating chicken rice, especially the skin of the chicken. My uncle made a song for me just because of that. Wish i had that recording. End of primary school i had to move. Move to Setiawangsa from Petaling Jaya. Life in Setiawangsa was different for me. Girls and boys are seated seperately, all the girls wearing tudung, it was such an issue about my name for not having a BIN in my name. Well then moving onto high school. Made a few friends. But one day i had friendship that would never change. His name is Max Gill (Mahahraj Singh). We are friends since form1 until today. We had done a lot of things when we were in high school which i think i would not say. But he had to move when we were in form4. Things change but we still remaind friends. In form3 i fell in love with a girl. Her name was Jeremy. We were introduced to each other from max. She is one girl i love and still think of my girlfriend even if she no longer in the world of the living. She was good at inline skating. Her parents controled her a lot. She was never allowed to go out at all or make friends but in secret she did. I only went out with her a few times with her when we were together for 2 to 3 years. We always had a connection, when ever 1 of us had a problem or feeling sad or angry we would know. But one day i felt nothing, as if she was blocking me. And a week later she killed herself. One reason and one reason only. Her parents told her she was a mistake and they should not have given birth to her. It took my bestfriend 1month to tell me after that incident. I was shattered,lost,alone,confused,dissappointed,angry and sad. It took me years to forget about her but i still would have relationship but i never did forget her all those years.i moved on only last year or 2 years ago. In college i felt the same thing i felt when i was with Jeremy. I fell in love again but i was afraid. Knowing who she is and how long she had left staying in Malaysia, i tried going for someone else. But now i know that was not the right decision to make. I had gone out with someone else. That had hurt me and her as well. And i hate myself for that. I had seeked advice but i did not listen. But we end up some sort of being together eventhough for a short while. I still remember the day we kissed outside Starbucks, she was studying with her friend at college, and i wanted to see her so badly i lied to my sister saying i wanted to go have dinner. Because the day we knew each other we were very close. So i went there and hung out with them. All of a sudden she said she was restless and wanted to have a walk so i followed her. I sat down at a bench and was hugging her waist and all of a sudden we kissed and till to this day that kissed was the most sweetest kissed and spine tingling kiss i have ever had in my whole life. From that day on we were as if as a couple but we were not. When her last few weeks left here she always wanted to go to the beach and go to the Eye of Malaysia. A college friend of mine had planned to go for water rafting and had a free place for me and i went without telling her i would go with them. I had surprised her and she was happy to know of it. We had a good time there. I had planned everything planned out to go to Eye of Malaysia and went as planned eventhough there was some flaws but it was still good. She had a good time. All those memories was great but nothing was as good as going clubbing with her and our college friends. I was the most happiest person there that night, i had my heart close to me in my arms and i wanted the night not to end. But sadly it did.

This is the 1st

2009-07-20T08:04:00.000+08:00

This is my 1st blog. I have been wanting to create one for a long time but only now i have the chance of creating it. The story of my life is like other peoples lives as well. Not so different. Happy times,sad times,tormented time,lovely times and etc. So my story shall begin!